The group chat is a gift.
We love them. We need them. We treasure them. And if your social chat apps are anything like mine – you may have a few on the go at the moment?
But sometimes…is it too much?
Be
honest – are we really connecting or just absorbing?
We didn’t grow up with 24/7 DM’s and the many digital group chats we now find ourselves in – not a complaint – just an observation. We had landlines for goodness sake! So whilst we may not be super new to the digital world – we still do remember a time when there was space between conversations and situations.
Now? There’s a constant stream of everything. And with that comes the expectation of availability and a certain pressure that no one talks about – for fear as being seen as a ‘bad friend’ or worse still – not understanding, unavailable or judgemental. These words are thrown around like confetti nowadays – which is often unfair. Sometimes we just aren’t in the right headspace for what is required. That doesn’t make us a shit friend – it just makes us real. And if the friendship is as true and as strong as we think it is – this should never be an issue. Because the respect runs deep.
So while sharing is powerful, is there a quiet cost when we treat our friendships like constant emotional first-aid kits?
When your phone pings and you’re too drained to respond, or you don’t know how to? Or it’s not the first time you’ve been down this path? Or you simply just can’t – but you feel too guilty not to? Yep, it’s happened to all of us at some point.
Friendships too, used to be a lot more 1:1 and face-to-face. Now of course, those dynamics have shifted. They are more digitised and often in group formats – for ease of communication and sometimes just for calendar planning. Connection almost seems easier as it’s at our fingertips. But is it connection? Or can it get a little overwhelming?
Friendships, like life – have ebbs and flows. They have their own language, complexities, subtleties and nuances. They’re unique and special. There’s an art to each and every one of them. And sometimes they go out of whack. All normal.
Often, the group chat is light hearted and/or planning the next catchup. Sometimes though, it can become a ‘digital offloading ground’. It feels heavy- sometimes maybe even awkward?
And from there, it starts to feel very one sided – again, normal and often circumstantial. But it’s when this ‘one-sidedness’ becomes all too frequent, you can start to feel the enjoyment -and connection, fading.
Nowadays, we’re not always taught how to ask:
“Hey – do you have space or time for this right now?”
We just launch right into it – whether that be online or in person. And not once – consistently. We’re all guilty – or have been the recipient of it – at some point.
But maybe we should be more aware? We’re all entitled to boundaries without feeling guilty. It’s not that we don’t care – it’s that we care enough to protect the friendship – and the group dynamic.
Share The Care.
Maybe someone else is better placed in the friend group to help in a certain situation? The timing in our own lives might not be right to take it on – particularly if it’s a reoccurring theme or a constant ‘offloading’ with no resolution.
Again, this doesn’t mean we don’t care. It just doesn’t have to always be you.
Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t therapists!
And even if you happen to be – you may wish to not take that responsibility on in the friend group! The lines are now incredibly blurred.
Sometimes we just aren’t equipped with the right knowledge or feedback or response. So in those occasions, sometimes all you can do is listen.
Friendship for women is incredibly important – even more so in midlife. We need to protect it. And sometimes that means boundaries. Without the guilt. Without the over explaining.
You’re allowed to protect your peace.
Everyone of us go through challenges and triumphs. Our friends are often the ones that ride the waves with us.
It’s important to acknowledge this. They want what’s best for us. They care deeply. But sometimes they may need to just protect their peace too.
It’s not just about being less available.
It’s about being more intentional, respectful.
Being close doesn’t mean being responsible for everyone’s state of mind. We can love them, listen wholeheartedly to them. And still have limits.
Friendships that run deep and true, can stand the test of time – they just all need to be respected. They can last through the best and worst of life. A great friendship truly is a blessing. On the other hand, a toxic, draining and one-sided friendship can do way more harm than good. And even more so in a group dynamic.
Friendship is a two way street. It’s a privilege, a responsibility, a treasure. When we ‘offload’ on our friends constantly, we need to acknowledge it. It weighs on them – especially if they can’t help you.
And when we are the one being ‘offloaded’ upon – we do get to choose how we respond. Without feeling guilty.
The outtake?
It’s ok to not be available, or to engage at every ‘ping’.
We’re allowed to put the phone down for a sec without the guilt. We’re allowed to switch off without explaining.
If good intention is always there, sometimes you just need a breather – and I’m sure they do too. After all, the group chat is not our full time job! Nor should it feel like a chore or a burden. It should just be about good old banter and connecting shouldn’t it?
And let’s be brutally honest – some days all you have the capacity for in the group chats is memes and some stupid laughs – and that’s more than ok. Actually, that’s all you need sometimes.
There’s a time and a place for everything. And not all friendships are created equal. In fact, I have some lifelong mates that I have no group chat with – we only see each other in person. And that works just fine for us. Other groups, I am in several chats with and all with the same people – just different topics! We’re spread around the world and across different timezones – so the group chat can be an incredible way of simply feeling connected.
At the end of the day it all comes down to choice and the fact we all have a role to play in the group chat – online and in real life.
Let’s not overthink it – but let’s not feel overly obliged to be constantly ‘on’ either.
What’s your take on this?
Felt it? In it now? Totally understand? It’s never an issue? Never experienced it? Just press delete and remove yourself from the group?
