Fearlessness.
Courage? Is lived.
A MYTH?
“I’m definitely not fearless. But I am courageous. It’s not something I wake up with – I have to choose it. Somedays, more often than others. But I learnt long ago, fear doesn’t go away – I just had to find the courage to keep going in the face of grief, doubt, reinvention.”
creator of maison 1973, Nic Tierney
Courage Is Not The ABSENCE Of Fear.
I’ve felt varying degrees of fear in all sorts of situations – airports, boardrooms, hospitals. I’ve felt it in my bones. I’ve felt it before sending the text, the email. Making the call. Starting again. Walking away. Small things, big things – all sorts of things. Over time, I have been fearful of many things – I am human.
And I’ve felt fear when things were good, too. When life was full and love was all around and it scared me because…what if I lost it?
So no – I’m not ‘fearless’. But I try not to let fear ever take over and stop me from doing what I need – or want to do. I also don’t live in a state of fear – something I am incredibly grateful for.
Fear – it visits me.
The word, the context, the emotion and the meaning behind it, truly fascinates me – as often it is just thrown around very one dimensionally without thought or care for what it actually means to some people.
Like you, I have to face things I fear all the time. How do I do that? By finding courage.
I’ve just stopped pretending that ‘fearlessness’ is the goal. But courage? That’s real. That’s lived. And that’s what midlife is asking of us now as we embark on our next chapter.
Fear Doesn’t Mean You’re WEAK.
We’re told from a young age to be brave. To stand tall. To not cry. And often, when we learned how to find the courage and face a fear – we grew as a result. Fear can be one of our greatest teachers. I am not ashamed at all to admit that I have many fears – some I have faced and some that I still have, and continue to face as they arise. There is absolutely no shame or weakness in that whatsoever. In fact, it’s probably saved me in some situations.
Nowadays, however, that messaging has gotten slicker. More forceful.
Be fearless.
Be unstoppable.
Be more.
It all seems motivational on the surface. And often, for some (and in the right context) – it can be. But quietly, sometimes it can make us feel like we’re somehow lacking if fear still visits us – if we still second-guess ourselves at 45, or 51, or 62.
If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve lived through a few lifetimes within your life.
You’ve done brave things.
You’ve done hard things.
You’ve achieved wonderful things.
You’ve endured times of heartbreak, change, reinvention, caregiving, letting go.
You’ve had hope and you more than likely, have felt fear – in varying degrees.
You’ve needed to find and trust your courage – quiet, imperfect, evolving – and that it is more than enough.
Because it is.
What COURAGE Has Looked Like in My Life
It didn’t always look bold. And sometimes it did. Most of the time though, I was vulnerable and had no idea what to do.
Somedays it looked like crying in the car, pulling it together, and walking into the meeting anyway.
Other times it was hearing news that you never want to hear and facing something that was indescribable, but there was no other option but to deal with it. Often, it looked like saying “I’m not sure yet.” Or “I’m sorry, I was wrong.”
Sometimes, it looked like silence. And sometimes, it looked like speaking the truth that made my voice shake. None of that was fearless.
Point was – I felt the fear and then had to find the courage to face it. Time after time.
The Courageous MIDDLE
We’re not in a season of proving. We’re in a season of choosing. And that, takes courage.
It can be messy and quiet. Hard and rewarding. It’s where we:
- Reclaim our voice.
- Make peace with our body.
- Stop apologising for our ambition – or our rest.
- Let go of roles – and people – that no longer fit with our life.
- Begin again, even when it’s not guaranteed to work.
- Learn to be vulnerable in life, in relationships and in leadership.
- Stand up for what we believe in.
- Set boundaries.
Courage Doesn’t Always SHOUT.
I believe, one of the great shifts that happens as we age, is the ‘shedding’ of the need of ‘performance’. We’re far more interested in being true.
And fearlessness? Often, nowadays that’s become a performance. Just a bunch of words thrown at us to make us pretend we are something we are not. Some of the most incredibly strong, courageous people I know – who have faced insane adversities in life – still openly admit that they have fears, to this day. But they lived through it with courage and bravery – and continue to do so.
Courage is a choice and a practice. It’s often deeply private. It’s often unseen. And it doesn’t demand (or require), applause.
So now more than ever, I consciously choose to just be present in life. And that means welcoming in the full range of emotions – including fear.
But it doesn’t sit in the drivers seat – it’s just a passenger in my car of life.
Acknowledge the fear.
maison 1973
Walk anyway.