When the ‘roles’ no longer fit.
—Every friendship group has roles. The glue. The wildcard. The keeper of secrets—
There was a time I played a very specific part in all of my friendships. I still do – just differently now.
For decades, I was often the one who organised the dinners – kept the lunches going, got the girls together. Even when work, travel, family, and everyday life got in the way and became ‘busy’ for everyone. I loved introducing friends to friends – happy to be the ‘broker’ you might call it. Loved when friends became friends – outside of my friendship with them. Always loved celebrating a friends birthday. The one who smoothed things over when they went sideways – kept it light when it got too heavy. And I wore that role like a badge – part pride, part habit I guess.
But somewhere along the way, I changed. And the role didn’t.
It’s a strange feeling to outgrow a dynamic. To sit in a room of familiar people and feel, quietly, like your sentiment (not even sure if that’s the right word, but we’ll leave it at that for now), has shifted. Not because of drama, or hurt, or distance – but because you’ve simply…evolved.
Midlife has a way of asking us to re-meet ourselves. And that includes who we are in relationship, a friendship.
What I’m learning is this: it’s okay for roles to shift. It’s okay to be quieter, softer, more outspoken, or less available. It doesn’t make the friendship less real – it just makes it more honest.
Sometimes we lose touch not because something’s broken, but because we’re becoming someone new.
And now – with new friendships forming over the past few years – I really have entered into them quite differently than when I did say, 20 years ago. You look for aligned values – not just shared moments or situations, that bring you together. I am also more private with how I share my time and my energy. And I respect the same in return. We grow up – and so does our approach to true friendship.
Have you felt your place in a group change?
Do you still feel seen – as you are now?
Share with me here. I’d really love to know your thoughts and experience with this topic ❥
